I know exactly where I was, who I was with and what I was doing New Year's Day 2011.
And I know where I wasn't.
I wasn't with John Paul on the day he was born.
On the eve of his first birthday in our family I have such mixed emotions. We've had a hard couple of days, me and him. We've struggled more than any other time in our short five month history. I don't know what I'm doing, and we both know it :)
I feel grateful to have him in our family, amazed that God
would choose me to mother this precious child. And I feel overwhelmed
and confused: this is harder than I thought it would be, I'm not sure
I'm cut out for this mammoth task.
But I'm as committed to him as the day I signed the paper making him mine forever.
I think about his birth mom and wonder: where is she now? and is she thinking of him? oh how I wish she could know, even for one brief second that he is alive, and well, and happy and healthy, and warm and loved and snuggled down under two blankets (handmade by his Grandma and Grandmama) and sleeping in a bedroom next to his big brother.
I think about his foster mom... did they celebrate last year? What will she do tomorrow? Should I call her? I can't imagine loving a child for 19 months and handing him to strangers for the rest of his life. The joy... the pain.
I love that his birthday is New Year's Day. Love it. Oh how
we all need to know the promise of a new day coming. Our God is making
all things new.
Happy Birthday John Paul. I've got a good feeling about this next year. We're gonna have us a NEW one.
[Did I ever tell you that I LOVE two year olds?]